A Look Into A Real-Time Eating Disorder Recovery Moment

Welcome back to the Bite by Bite Podcast.

Even during recovery the eating disorder can be sneaky. Even during recovery the eating disorder can try to control you. Recovery doesn’t mean the eating disorder never tries to return - it means you build resilience and recovery tools to respond differently when it does.

Join Kait in this short, unplanned episode where she briefly describes a time when life felt out of her control and her eating disorder tried to creep back in. This episode outlines the importance of self-compassion, staying grounded, and staying committed to her recovery journey - even when her guard was down.

Episode Topics

• Kait describes the trigger (2:31)
• What helped Kait stay grounded (4:15)
• Kait shares another realization and lesson that she learned (5:52)

Related Episodes
THE SECRET THAT ATE ME ALIVE: My 10-Year Eating Disorder Recovery Timeline 

WHERE I'M REALLY AT: The Messy Reality of Eating Disorder Recovery

UNEXPECTED LESSONS: Lessons My Eating Disorder Taught Me About Healing & Self-Worth

Connect with Kait

@bitebybiterecovery

bitebybiterecovery@gmail.com 

Affiliate Links

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Chapters

• 2:31 Kait describes the trigger
• 4:15 What helped Kait stay grounded
• 5:52 Kait shares another realization and lesson that she learned

Transcript

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Hey, everyone. Welcome to Bite by Bite, the podcast that takes you step-by-step through the messy, beautiful, and real journey of my struggle with an eating disorder and my recovery. I'm Kate, and I'm here to share my experiences, lessons, and the wisdom that I've gathered along the way. Here, I share it all, the raw, the real, and the uncensored, so those who can relate know they're not alone in the tough moments. And for those of you who haven't battled an eating disorder, your attention is In today's episode, I will talk about how recovery isn't about never hearing the eating disorder's voice again. It's about learning how to respond when it whispers back In the episode, I will share a real and vulnerable moment from my recovery journey where unexpected stress brought old thoughts to the surface. Instead of spiraling, I leaned into the tools, support, and self-compassion that have become the foundation of my healing. I will describe how I recognized emotional triggers early, named the disordered thoughts without shame, and made intentional choices to protect my progress. Whether you are in the thick of recovery or just learning how to stay grounded when things get hard. This episode is a reminder. Choosing recovery isn't about being perfect. It's about showing up for yourself again and again. And one more thing, this podcast is explicit because if I'm going to do something, there's no way in hell I'm going to leave my personality out of it. So let's dive in. The other week, I had a moment that caught me completely off guard. I'd been feeling anxious and stressed. There were a few things going on in my life and one personal situation that didn't work out the way I had hoped. It wasn't necessarily a bad outcome. It just wasn't the one I was truly wanting. Almost immediately, I started noticing familiar thoughts and feelings. That old pull of not wanting to eat, feeling anxiety about what I'd already eaten, and overthinking what I might eat next. Those thoughts were so automatic it was like muscle memory for my eating disorder days it was this mix of tightness in my chest my stomach feeling unsettled and this restless energy that made it hard to focus on anything else even though i was still going about my day it felt like my brain was running two conversations at once one about life and one about food the difference this time was that i didn't act on them i could feel the urges i knew they were there but i was strong enough in my recovery to not engage in behaviors. If this had happened a few months ago, I honestly think I would have fallen into old patterns. When I looked back, I realized those thoughts and feelings had been creeping in for about two to three days, and I hadn't even fully registered it at first. It actually hit me while I was driving one day. Wait, I've been slipping into those mental patterns again. What's happening? Once I became aware, I made the conscious choice to be extra vigilant, to not let myself slide backwards. And while I'm proud of that choice, it also scared me because it reminded me that even when you're doing well in recovery, the eating disorder can still try to chip away at you. When those thoughts came up, I didn't fight them by pretending that they weren't there. That was what I would do in the old days and it didn't work for me. So instead, I named them for what they were, eating disorder thoughts, and reminded me myself that thoughts are not instructions. Thoughts aren't always accurate. Just because my brain was offering me an old coping mechanism didn't mean I had to use it. So what did I do? I made sure that I stayed extra vigilant of my recovery tools. I made sure that I was eating balanced meals even if my appetite was low because I knew fueling my body was non-negotiable and any type of slip-up would allow the eating disorder to come back in. I reached out to a trusted person and told them what I was noticing because I have learned that speaking it out loud, labeling it, and accepting it takes away some of its power and I was not willing to let the eating disorder have power over me again. I gave myself extra kindness, extra self-compassion. I softened my schedule where I could, getting more rest, engaging in more self-care, and choosing activities that felt grounding and joyful and rather than demanding. Just because I became extra vigilant about engaging in my recovery tools doesn't mean the thoughts magically disappeared. But what it did help me do is it helped me stay in alignment with my recovery instead of the urges. This experience was a reminder that recovery isn't a straight line to a forever safe destination. Even in the good stretches, old patterns can resurface and the eating disorder can try to wheeze its way back in. Sometimes quietly, sometimes with force. That doesn't mean I've failed or gone backwards. It simply means I'm human and my brain is still wired in certain ways from my past. If you've been through something similar, I want you to hear me when I say, having thoughts again does not erase your progress. It does not mean that you are starting over. It means that you are in the middle of practicing recovery in real time. The key to catching it early is staying aware and using the tools that you have built over time. You can't control whether the thoughts ever pop up again, but you can control how you respond and that is what I tell myself to keep me grounded in the tough moments. Every time I choose recovery over the disorder, I'm strengthening the response. For me, this wasn't just about avoiding a setback. It was about proving to myself that I can handle moments like this. That I have the strength. That I have the skills to protect and maintain the progress that I've made. And sitting here now, reflecting on it, I feel grateful that I noticed. I feel stronger for having I navigated it without slipping and more committed than ever to keeping that protective mindset because recovery isn't just about getting to a better place. It's about protecting it fiercely and intentionally every single day, bite by bite. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode of Bite by Bite. I'm so grateful to be able to share this space with you and I hope today's conversation brought you some insight, comfort, or maybe even a sense of community. Remember, no matter what you're healing from, healing isn't perfect and every step you take does matter. If you enjoyed this episode, consider sharing it with someone who might need it, leaving a review or subscribing on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts so you never miss an episode. And if you want to connect more, you can find me on Instagram at Bite by Bite Recovery. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Your stories are just to say hi. Until next time, let's keep taking life by bite. See you later!